Fantasy Draft Diary

Fantasy Draft Diaries (Version 3.0)

Well folks, after a year of retirement, I decided it wasn’t time to hang up the cleats (or in this case, the laptop) just yet. You don’t realize how much you miss the game until it’s gone. What better way to kick off my writing return and this new fantasy website than with a draft diary? That’s right men, its draft season! Hide ya kids. Hide ya wife. Call up Mel Kiper, Jr. And let’s get down to business. Napolean Kaufman’s Bible Study is officially closed until further notice, so it’s time to introduce you to “Ricky Watters Fishing Charters”. I chose this name, recommended by the creative genius himself, Mike Casazza, for many reasons. For one, when I asked the other nine guys what they wanted the league name to be, I learned what it felt like to be ignored by nine guys. It was at that very moment I knew how important this decision was to them. So I went back to the list of recommendations (all three of them), dug deep into my creative juices (realizing they had run dry), and then I knew. There was never really any question what 90s mid-to-below average running back we should honor. It was Ricky. The man that made the $93 investment of my life savings on Game Gear at the age of 7 well worth it, with his other-worldly performances in Madden 95 for me.

Who needs HD with graphics like these?

Three years later, Ricky would put on the single greatest rushing performance in video game history never told. It was at that time I rented NFL Quarterback Club 98 from Video Den (possibly West Coast Video – regardless, both stores that are thriving in the Netflix age). It was in this 3-day period (not trying to get late fees on a $3 weekly allowance) I rushed for over 1000 yards in one game with Ricky Watters on the Seahawks. Let me stop you for a second. I think what you may have heard me say was, “I rushed for over 1000 yards in a season with Ricky Watters on the Seahawks”. When I actually said, “I rushed for 1000 yards in a GAME with Ricky Watters”. Four minute quarters. Averaging over 90 yards a carry. I took every kickoff and punt return to my own 1-yard line and ran out of bounds. Then I handed it to Ricky, ran straight to the sideline and straight up the sideline every time. And he scored…every fucking time. Somehow, winning the game 119-0 was fun for me. But I digress. I think what I’m trying to say is, Ricky Watters was my favorite running back of the mid-90s. And in my eyes, he’s 100 times better than his mediocre stats lead the common man to believe. He’ll always have that 1000 yard game in NFL Quarterback Club 98. You can’t take that away from him. He’s the perfect choice to represent our league.

So before we get into the draft I already feel uneasy about, let’s reintroduce you to the most competitive, cut-throat, $50 buy-in league this side of the Mason Dixon. Let’s meet the contenders:

Pick #1: Mr. Rodger's Hood 
(James “Smooth Jotaman” DeSimone) 
J boasts the league record for last place finishes. He’s also the all-time leader in first overall selections. J has had the first pick three years in a row! He’s an IT guy, so I’m pretty sure he’s hacked the Yahoo! Randomizer. I’m afraid that’s only speculation though. He used his last two #1 selections on Adrian Peterson. Third time is the charm J. Speaking of third, that’s what place J came in last year. An accomplishment that shocked all, including J himself. I think J’s finally got the grasp of fantasy. I don’t expect him to be at the bottom of the leaderboard any time soon. But I do expect him to rip me a new one on the forums if I try to make any blockbuster deals with Edlin.

Pick #2: Dirty Mike & The Boyz 
(MC)
Mike’s team will have sex in your Prius, and that’s non-negotiable. But aside from the dirty business, Mike’s team will do a lot of other things. I’ve compiled a list:
1) As I’ve told you before, they’ll historically bore you to death
2) More recently, they’ll usually fill the injury report (lot of red “O”s and “IR”s next to his players)
3) On paper, they’ll look a lot like the Washington Redskins. In fact they are usually the Washington Redskins (not if PL has anything to say about it this year)
4) They’ll have a quality, well-constructed, creative team name (and I’m not just saying that cause I recommended this one)
MC also prepares better than anyone in the game. Mel Kiper calls Mike for fantasy draft strategies. No one has seen more mocks than this guy. He needs to know if he can wait til the 14th round to snag Crabtree or Amendola. And he needs to be within two standard deviations sure he can do this. Only way to ensure that? He's got to mock like there’s no tomorrow.

Pick #3: Pink Fluffy Apes 
(Edlin)
Smh. For those of you that don’t know Twitter lingo, that means I’m still “shaking my head” about Edlin’s performance last year. I brought Edlin into the league for 50 free bucks a year ago. Edlin won the league. I paid him $400. Safe to say that plan backfired. Pressing send on PayPal was painful. It still hurts to think about. The guy had a girl draft his team last year. A girl that wouldn’t even tell us her “a/s/l?” when six of us simultaneously messaged the request to her in last year’s draft. That’s not a girl I want drafting in my league. To make matters worse, I traded Edlin the final pieces he needed to win a championship. After I spent a week vehemently arguing with JJ as to why Edlin was getting the better deal in the trade. Yeah, cause that makes sense. I wouldn’t condone starting arguments with J. Anyways, I must admit there was one great thing that came out of the Edlin signing. For the first time since Steve left, we were finally able to find a 10th guy that came back to play the next year. So for that, I commend you Edlin. But seriously, if you win the league again I’m kicking you out. I’d rather have a Bye Week than you as a 3-time champion.

Pick #4: KDUBS ALL STARS 
(K Dub) 
I actually thought K Dub quit the league when I saw the first episode of Hard Knocks and noticed him taking snaps as a rookie tight end.

But K Dub made it clear league rules didn’t prevent him from participating, so the 1-time champ is sticking around. K Dub is sporting the league’s best team name for the 9th consecutive year. I’m also fairly confident this is the 9th consecutive year he’s had the 4th pick and almost certain he’ll take a QB for the 9th consecutive time in this spot as well. One thing that’s definitely certain: If he drafts Michael Egnew as his tight end, I may lose it.

Pick #5: Heisenberg’s Heros
(Millaaaa)
Scott was the MVP of the draft this year. Not only did he put on an Academy Award winning performance in the pre-draft video, he also took care of everyone's drinks for the night. I could get used to Scott being a professional golfer. Play on Scott. Play on. In one of my favorite scenes of the movie, Scott revealed his picking strategy - taking a four iron to a cardboard box of player names. Normally I'd say this was foolish, but it left Scott seeking Stafford, McFadden, Fitzgerald and Jones. Maybe there's a method to his madness after all. If he snags those guys, I think Scott's an early favorite to take down the league. At least if he wins, we'll know he'd be game to spend his winnings on a night out at the club for all of us. Dez Bryant will have to ask the Cowboys for permission to attend. Speaking of Dez...

Pick #6: DezB TROLLnSECURITY 
(Toph) 
Toph, known for years as a league bottom dweller, finally put together a notable season last year. In fact, it was the greatest season in league history: 13-2. But much like the 18-1 Patriots’ season of ‘08, it was a year that will only leave Toph with disappointment and the thought of what could have been. In my expert opinion, Toph wins that game 9, nah probably only 8 times outta 10 (only championship teams can win the big one 9 times outta 10 (like the Giants)). And last December, Edlin caught Toph on one of those two off days. So the question is. How will Toph respond? Will he show his resiliency? Come back with unfinished business and a chip on his shoulder? Or will he revert back to his old ways of picking “his guys” and fall back to the all too familiar league cellar? 

Pick #7: 2K All Day & Moore 
(BT – The Commish) 
Last year was a fantasy year I’d like to forget. It all went downhill when I made the decision to follow Matthew Berry’s advice and draft Michael Vick. I also guessed wrong with Felix Jones – very wrong – and broke my Cardinal rule of fantasy drafting: “Never take a Jet. Even if the #9 ranked player falls all the way to you in Round 6”. There’s a reason Shonn Greene was still available. The guy blows. Anyways, I’ve put my arguments with JJ, poor trade decisions and terrible draft choices behind me. Everyone has a bad year. There’s a reason we’ve never had a repeat champion. Everyone was gunning for me the whole time. And yet I still finished in 4th place, scoring more points than either championship participant in Week 16. I think it’s safe to say I’m well on my way to a Hall of Fame career. But I refuse to be satisfied. Three titles aren’t going to be enough. I’m coming for more.

Pick #8: Mr. McGibblets 
(ZR, Zermanatrix, Zerm Germ, Ruby Tuesday, The Red Rubin, Movie Maven, Poof, etc.)
ZR is a 1-time champ, he’s beloved in the forums and he’s already guaranteed victory this year. Championship or not, he’ll still provide much needed entertainment value in the forums. Spoiler Alert: Despite the unnecessary excitement over his first round pick of Rashard Mendenhall last year, ZR chose not to take him with his first pick this year. I guess ZR’s hoping for more production than 320 yds and 2 TDs out of his top pick.

Pick #9: Captain Insano 
(G Com) 
I’ve always said G Com was the most intimidating opponent in fantasy year-in and year-out. Well, after 8 losing seasons, I’m ready to declare G Com’s fantasy teams unintimidating. Some thought a late acquisition of Aaron Rodgers would put G Com in line for a ship last year. However, that didn’t prove to be the case. A weekly hard on was the only thing G Com walked away with from the Rodgers deal. Better luck this year buddy.

Pick #10: SKYS OUT THIGHS OUT 
(Phil) 
It seems Phil has been studying draft strategies of the past to get a leg up on the competition. Or a thigh up if you’ve seen his new chubbies. He saw MC’s two titles and seems to have given MC’s approach of taking the all-Redskin team a shot, grabbing RG III and Fred Davis consecutively on a 7th and 8th round snake. While many others felt he panicked, I noticed MC shed the tear of a proud father when he saw PL’s seventh and eighth picks on the board. I’d like to say this was a bad move, but it’s literally worked for MC two times already. I’m starting to think it’s a viable draft strategy. PL’s team is now on my radar.

Now that we’ve got a good feel for the teams, let’s get to the draft. Pick #7 this year, which was surprisingly my second choice behind Pick #3, so I can’t be mad about it. No jerseys this year. Can’t bear to wear my Plax or Vick jersey and my Mark Brunell Jags jersey just doesn’t fit over my chiseled arms any more or my ever-growing beer belly. Ps. My next jersey purchase is going to be Kenny Phillips. Kenny, expect to be in jail in the next 3-4 months. I’m sorry man. I couldn’t do that to Pierre-Paul. You gotta understand.

Now before the draft starts JJ and Miller would like to show a short video they put together for the league this year:

Just kidding. J requested the video not be released for the public eye. Pretty sure anyone outside this league would have no idea what the eff was going on if they watched it. If you're reading this, you've already seen the video and know it can only be describe in one word:

Awesome.

Now that the video talk is over with and everybody’s got their internet connection, let’s get this baby started.

Oh, shit. J got so caught up in showing his video he didn’t realize he wasn’t connected to the internet anymore. Not his smoothest moment.

We all calmly say it’s no problem, because he’ll have a minute and 30 seconds to sign in and make his pick.

(Two seconds later…)

Its my time… selected Arian Foster.

Ooohhh, righhtttt. It autodrafts after 5 seconds when you’re not signed in.

Six seconds in and we need to redraft? What is this people? It’s been nine years. This draft is supposed to run like a well-oiled machine. Who’s the commissioner of this thing anyways? And why doesn’t he know he can pause the draft for up to 15 minutes? Really dropped the ball on that one.

The draft continues to go on as we’re unsure what to do.

Everyone let’s their pick wind down to the last second (except Edlin) and we debate where to go from here.

In a matter of minutes, Edlin drafts JJ’s pick, K Dub settles for McCoy when he wants Foster, Miller picks up Brady when Edlin would’ve taken him and everyone else is unsure of whether or not to reveal their ideal picks in their respective position. This is a disaster.

A minute later, Toph grabs McFadden before me. Now I really want to start over. McFadden was my guy. It’s CJ2K or CJ1.6K (Calvin - but do I really want to go down that road again?). I can’t really even think with the chaos that ensued in the first 6 picks, but I finally settle on Chris Johnson. Bounce back year CJ. We need it!

Now I discover that I can pause the draft after all. “Shit.” We spend the next few minutes debating our options. We do an offline redo of the first five picks and determine Ed will trade Rodgers to JJ, JJ will send Foster to Scott and Scott will send Brady to Edlin. Done.

Game on!

Wait...there’s still 30 seconds left in my timeout. Gotta wait for the TV guy with the orange gloves to step off the field.

(Waiting….)

And we’re good.

My game plan going in was to go RB-RB to start. But MJD’s holdout still scares me, Mathews collarbone is too brittle for my taste and Marshawn Lynch is too much of a wildcard. I’d rather wait for Fred Jackson. After contemplating Killa Cam, MJD and Jimmy Graham, I settle on Graham. Kind of want that one back. At least I can still get Fred Jackson though.

Until, naturally, Scott takes him two picks before me. I should have known Scott would reach for one of his players from last year. Does it every time. Even asked if Sidney Rice was still in the NFL. I’d understand the approach if his teams were coming off championships, but they’re always coming off losing seasons.

So who am I supposed to take? Peterson? Richardson? Bradshaw? Martin? Not the guys I had in mind. This is why I was supposed to go RB-RB to start. I settle on AP, well aware he’s going to re-tear his ACL on the first series in Week 1. (Gulp.)

I then take the time to mention to the guys that traded their first pick after the internet connection debacle that they should be drafting as if they have the guy they traded for already. So for example, since Scott was giving Brady to Edlin and getting Foster, he should make his next picks as if he already had one running back.

Miller: “Oh fuck, I haven’t been doing that”.

I look at Miller’s team. Brady, MJD, Fred Jackson. In reality, it’s Foster, MJD, Fred Jackson. 

Toph: “How the fuck do you not know that?”

I realize now it was Miller’s mistake that cost me Fred Jackson. He would have taken a QB or WR in his place and I would have gotten Fred two picks later, since Toph already had two RBs. We thought we corrected the error, but in reality, everything was pretty much fucked the moment JJ lost his connection. As ZR would say, “This changed the whole complexion of the draft!”

An asterisk is going next to the champ this year. Unless AP does awesome and I win the title.

As the picks roll back around, its WR time. G Com keeps urging Phil to draft Marshall so he can maximize his NFC North receiving crew (after just taking Jennings). I too egg him on to go NFC North all the way and say he should take Titus Young in the fifth. In reality, I’m hoping this pushes Phil away from Marshall, because I secretly want him. My strategy works. Phil takes Welker.

At the same time Toph keeps clamoring about “his guys”, saying he’s got four of them and he might be able to get them all – much to his surprise. This leads me to believe the Toph of old is back. Settling for “his guys” never worked in the past. And the fact that he thought he’d get maybe one or two of them and it’s looking like he’s getting all four, means no one thinks “his guys” are anything special. Turns out his guys were McFadden, Mathews, Marshall and Cam. He got three of them. I wanted McFadden and then returned the favor in the fourth taking Marshall the pick before him. Man loves his Bears, but he’s going to be simultaneously cheering for my fantasy team when B Marsh puts up 1300 yards and 12 TDs this year.

Toph settles for Percy Harvin. A solid producer for his team late in the season last year, and the object of Matthew Berry’s affection this year.

In the fifth round I decide to reach and go for Dez Bryant right now. Only Toph snatches him a pick before me. If this keeps up, I don’t know what my team is going to look like. I decide its quarterback time. Earlier than I wanted, but the list is starting to run dry. I go with Matt Ryan. This is supposed to be his breakout season. He’s got the weapons. Show me what you got Matty.

It should also be noted that our league, notorious for taking seven QBs in the first round, had only taken five in the first three rounds. This is a groundbreaking achievement for our league. I was legit shocked.

K Dub waited on a QB until round five. I asked him if he was feeling alright.

In round 6 I take Desean Jackson, because I’ve been informed he’s catching everything in practice this year (now that he’s trying and all). I hate Desean Jackson.

At this point ZR asks the crowd who the heck Heisenberg’s Heros is anyways? Well ZR, its Scott, the guy that’s been sitting next to you for the last 45 minutes. Where has this kid been?

According to MC, he’s been too distracted detailing everyone in on why his picks are so great and taking the time to explain to G Com why he doesn’t think any of his picks are good.

I want Reggie Wayne next. Toph takes him. Seriously dude, wtf??

I take BenJarvus Green-Ellis. Still rooting for the day BenJarvus’ son marries Dominic Rodgers-Cromartie’s daughter, so their son can be BenJarvus Green-Ellis-Rodgers-Cromartie, III.

Oh and I hope he scores 12 TDs this year. He did it in an offense that ran the ball like 15 times in a season the last two years. That should mean good things for me, right? Hopefully.

It’s Phil’s turn to close out Round 7. But he’s panicking. I can tell because he has a panicked look on his face and he turns to me and says, “I have no idea who to take with these two picks.” Phil lets the clock run down to one second and takes Robert Griffin III. Yep, he pani…

SKYS OUT THIGHS OUT selected Fred Davis.

Did Phil just take back-to-back Redskins on a snake?

Phil’s facial expression said it all after those picks. Just in case we weren’t sure, Phil mumbles, “I fucked up there.”

In the eighth, I take Kenny Britt.

Toph: “Well Bob, you returned the favor.”

Finally, a taste of his own medicine.

Missed out on Blackmon in the ninth so I took Little. Forecasted I should probably take Toby in the 11th or 12th. ZR then promptly takes him in the early 10th. You kidding me ZR? What the eff do you need Toby for?

ZR: “It’s almost a certainty he’s going to start this year”.

No he’s effing not. Not cool bro.

I take Houston’s defense. Followed by Jacquizz in hopes to screw ZR over when he realizes Burner Turner is all burned out. (Ya see what I did there?)

Next I take Lance Moore. Can’t go wrong with a Saint. (Ya see what I did there again?)

Miller follows two picks later with Janikowski. Wait, let me check. Yep, it’s only the 12th round. Who is this guy? Bob Talbot?

Kendall Wright is my next pick.

Toph: “Not gonna lie Bob, I have no idea who Kendall Wright is.” 

That’s always a good sign.

Round 14 we see Randy Moss go, followed by Santana Moss. Interesting. Then Sinorice Moss. Just kidding. He’s as cut as Chris Hogan.

ZR’s up next.

ZR: “Gotta take a flyer.” Brandon LaFell. ZR had to take a flyer so much that he dropped him six minutes after the draft for Davone Bess.

I took Luck because there was literally no one left (Although I would later drop him for Kevin Smith after reading AP’s injury report for Week 1). Then I closed with Matt Bryant.

“ZR, I’m about to wrap up this article. Quick! We need more material.”

ZR: “THE KICKER EVERYBODY FORGOT ABOUT!!”

Mr. McGibblets selected Garrett Hartley.

The kicker everybody forgot about? ZR he’s a kicker. No one is impressed.

The guy even found a way to brag about his average kicker. Enjoy the 5-6 extra points he gets a game in the Saints offense ZR.

ZR: “It’s a guarantee. I’m winning it all this year.”

We’ll see about that.

Rob Bironas was Mr. Irrelevant. It’s important to note I drafted Rob Bironas in like the 8th round five years ago. I don’t win a lot.

To close, the gang created a drinking game to the hit show, Bar Rescue. Jon Taffer’s histrionics make for a great time and an easy way to get effed up. If he had known about our game though, he would tell you it was “MORALLY WRONG!!!” to play.

Well that brings this year’s draft diary to a close. I basically just-missed every pick I wanted and settled for guys with the highest likelihood of going down with torn ACLs this year. All-in-all, a great draft.

Thanks for hosting this year MC & Toph. Best of luck to all. May the best team win.

Talbot out.

Hey Mom!!! I’m done with my segment!!!

Fantasy Draft Diaries (Version 2.0)

As summer rapidly comes to a close, and we all start to think about our upcoming return to school in the next few weeks. Oh s***, I just graduated. Well, this sucks. I haven't even started my article and I've already depressed 85% of my readers. Myself included. But I guess that speaks volumes for the importance of this article. That's right, just when things are reaching their bleakest point. When we all realize that we either don't have jobs or that we have a job that will enslave us for the next 65 years of our lives, one saving grace presents itself. The one thing guys have to live for in the late August to early February grind in their lives. That's right folks. It's draft season again!

Now that I have a true job, Loverboy's hit single "Working for the Weekend" suddenly makes sense to me. Their attire in this music video never will. But the lyrics? Yeah, they make sense.

If Loverboy wrote that song today, I think they'd be even more passionate about working for the weekends, because the weekend feels that much more valuable with fantasy football. Let's face it. Does any guy in a fantasy football league care about anything else from August to February? I knew a kid that once offered Donovan McNabb, Terry Porter and his cousin's virginity for Ladainian Tomlinson in his prime. That last sentence was a complete lie, but if you've ever played fantasy football before, you believed it for a second, right???

So let me re-introduce you to the greatest fantasy football league I've ever come to know.

Trung Candidate's Weekend BBQ still features 10 fantasy managers that make up the stereotypical, yet ideal fantasy league. Last year's article inspired the managers to go that extra mile to create a new reputation for their squad and management capabilities. So first, let's examine the things that changed and the things that stayed the same about last year's crew.

The Chronic Saint (Pat) -

After much deliberation we decided to give I'm Vinne Massuci (Vinnie Massuci) the cut. It wasn't because we didn't respect his management or his unique style. It all came down to the fact that we didn't respect his management or his unique style. No but in all reality, he lives in Colorado. The distance was too much. They say long distance relationships can work, but not this one. The postage fees for the trophy and the newly added monetary prize were too much to keep the former Rookie of the Year in the league. So we welcome Pat. There's not much we know about Pat's fantasy football skills. From the draft, I picked up a few things. For one, Pat's in another league that's entry fee is worth half of our total prize pool. I wonder if he'll care more about that league or this one. I know what you're thinking. That one. But you obviously don't understand the magnitude of the pride we play for. I just can't measure the pride. Sure, last year's winner had to ask, in all seriousness, who won last year, but that doesn't do our pride justice. Our pride seeps through our computer screens. But ya, back to Pat. The other thing I picked up from the draft was that Pat must really like the Packers. He drafted Greg Jennings, Jermichael Finley and Green Bay's defense within the course of 5 picks. He was also really pissed he didn't snag Aaron Rodgers and rumor has it, at multiple times, he attempted to draft Ahman Green, Mike McCarthy, Mike Holmgren, Dorsey Levens and Antonio Freeman. I think taking Brett Favre in the 14th was a ploy to remember the good ole' days when Favre wore the green and gold.

KDUBS ALL STARS (K Dub)

K Dub became the 4th member of the crew to win a title, etching his name into the record books alongside the likes of Talbot (hold your applause), MC and ZR. Like I said before, it took him less than six months to forget he won the title, but trust me, the kid is passionate about the league. It's easy to forget things your passionate about. K Dub is one of those guys that obviously wasn't satisfied with my comments in last year's article: K Dubs crew is good for a solid 5th-7th finish every year. He always finishes around .500 (sometimes just above, sometimes just below), and he always sneaks into the playoffs. A team that deserves respect. He went out and made a name for himself with a championship in response to my comments. This year he's at a disadvantage, seeing as no team has ever repeated as champion in our league. I'd say that drops his Vegas odds down at 40-1 to capture the title again this year. Let's see if he proves me wrong and starts a dynasty.

Grenade Free America (PL)

PL, most notably known for his often offensive team names looks like a new man this year. Some would say four years at college changed him. He realized it's time to lock away his controversial, at times racy team names and move on. Others would say he's just a big fan of the Jersey Shore. Yet his true friends know he's a changed man for one reason and one reason only: he recently wifed up with a new girlfriend. Translation: we don't see Phil anymore. That goes for during the draft as well. He's still in the 6-month-we can't stay a moment apart phase of his relationship. Which is all good and fun. Us seasoned relationship-ers have all been there. There's nothing bad about it. But it sure can piss the friends off. And Phil, we were pissed you didn't come to the draft. Until we saw the team ESPN autopicked for you. We'll get to that later. I think next year Phil will be at the draft.

GoldenTatesMapleBars (Toph)

Last year I talked about how Toph knew just as much about football as any other guy, and that he should seemingly be a contender to win every year. But he never is. I thought last year was gonna be his year. After a horrible start, he sneaked into the playoffs, only to immediately be ousted. Sixth place. This may have been an improvement for Toph, but it certainly wasn't the kind of improvement Toph had in mind. This year, regardless of how good Toph's team looks on paper, I'm just gonna go ahead and assume his title drought will continue. It's the safe bet.

CarolinaSexPanthers (G Com)

Another year, another title-less season for G Com. Yet I still fear him more than any other player in the league. Maybe it's the fantasy football magazines he brings to the draft. Maybe it's his ability to consistently draft teams that put up numbers (there wasn't a team within 100 points of him last season). Maybe it's the confidence he exudes on draft day and throughout the season. Maybe it's the fact he didn't have functional shoulders a few years ago, and could still out-bench me by a sizable amount. Regardless, I fear the CarolinaSexPanthers much like the rest of the NBA fears the deer.

Multiple Scoregasms (Scott)

We could go on and on about Scott's fantasy tendencies. But I think it would be more beneficial to discuss a recent Friday night he had in New York City.

Okay, so here's the setting. Picture the scummiest hotel you've ever seen in your life. Now think scummier. Think, hotel room people are likely to bring prostitutes or commit homicides. Alright now cut that room in half by rolling in a metal cot fit for one, that we made sleep two. Now imagine a bathroom that looks five-star in comparison to the room - complete with one bath towel (in a room we booked for three people), a floor mat that would double as a bath towel, two hand towels that would double as bath towels, two bars of soap (don't bother asking for the shampoo cause we don't got it), a nice TV with what appears to be a dildo resting on top, and you've got our hotel room. Throw in nine guys and a few bottles of alcohol and you've got a pregame for the ages. None of this was relevant, but people needed to know where we stayed that night.

So we ICEd Nunes because we always ICE Nunes and we enjoy watching it take him 20 minutes to chug a Smirnoff, which always inevitably leads to him throwing up afterwards. That empty Smirnoff Ice bottle became Scott's obligatory "Solo cup" for the night. On countless occasions I watched him fill the bottle halfway with vodka, and top it off with a little cranberry juice. The drink looked pretty lethal to me. But I hardly thought anything of it because I was too busy pounding Natty's with my bros. (That's bro talk for casually drinking Natural Light with my friends).

Flash forward to the cab ride to Turtle Bay. As Toph, MC, Rone and I are repeatedly saying "Might I make suggestion for you? I would party at Turtle Bay" in the voice of Mr. Duncan in Home Alone 2, Scott is riding up front with our cab driver. I hear Scott mumble, "I don't know where the f*** we are". Then the cab pulls over, Scott hands the cab driver some money, probably $100 for the $7 fare the way Scott was spending money that night. As everyone exits the vehicle this exchange ensues:

Me: Hey wait a minute is this Turtle Bay?

(No Response)

Me: Did you drop us off at Turtle Bay?

Cab Driver: (shoulder shrug)

Me: Scott did you tell the cab to drop us off here?

Scott: Yeah.

Me: Why?

Scott: Cause I don't know where the f*** we are.

Me: But the f***in' cab driver knows where we are. He was taking us to where we need to go!

Scott: Alright, well get another cab.

To save ourselves the embarrassment of departing a cab only to immediately call for another cab five seconds later on the same street corner, we walked the rest of the way. We reached Turtle Bay, where we were forced to wait in a ten minute line - pretty standard for a club in NYC. Scott refused to wait. He went to an ATM, swiped every card in his wallet - I'm talking ID, golf card, library card, hotel room keys, Don Mattingly Topps '95 baseball card - pretty much every card that wasn't his debit card, until a stranger eventually let him in. He came back to the line with $40, and demanded we each give him $20 to pay off the bouncer so we could bypass the line of six people in front of us. When we declined, insisting that giving the bouncer $120 to skip this line was stupid he said, "F*** you guys" and went and offered the bouncer $40, who for some reason turned him down. He came back and tried to give us back his $40, because he had already forgotten it was his money. So Scott was f'd up.

F'd up enough to leave the club on his own and hop on a train. A train he took to the last stop. All the way in Babylon, Long Island. For those of you that don't know Scott. He lives in NJ. Scott can now tell you that a cab ride from Babylon, Long Island to his hometown in NJ is $165. Lesson to be learned: Don't black out on your way to NY Penn Station. Especially when it also doubles as the Long Island Rail Road.

So yeah, I generally don't fear Scott's fantasy teams.

NJ Jimmy's (Smooth Jota)

Last year I was kind of hard on Smooth, dubbing him the worst manager in the league. I predicted an 0-13 season for the guy. I know, I know it was harsh. But he did celebrate drafting Jamal Lewis and Michael Vick consecutively on a turn. He set himself up for that. Smooth had the last laugh, finishing 5-8 last season. This year, I respect Smooth's strategy. I'll save that for later though.

Vick's Pit Bulls (ZR, Zermanatrix, Zerm Germ, Ruby Tuesday's, the self-proclaimed "Movie Maven, you get the idea)

He's the Miami Heat of our league. The team everybody loves to hate. Last year ZR brought a print-out of the Yahoo! Sports player list with hand-written notes on it. This year, ZR caught up to the technological age and made an Excel spreadsheet. It had tiers and everything. I believe there were five tiers in all with an alternate sixth. He highlighted sleepers, must-haves, risks, and so forth. It looks like he put a lot of time into his pre-draft preparation. Me on the other hand? I chose to do 1 1/2 mock drafts. But I'm taking down Zerm Germ anyway. ZR is highly critical of other people's picks, he loves offering analyses of his reasoning behind picks, and we love listening to him put down the likes of Scott and Smooth Jota. Don't mess with the bull though, cause he'll bring the horns.

AllDayZ ft. Kid Cutler (MC)

I'm starting to get the feeling MC cares more about coming up with creative fantasy nicknames than the game of fantasy football itself. Come to think about it, I think he enjoys drafting more than he enjoys playing out the season and seeing just how effective his drafting skills were. But even with all those mocks, Mike still can't pick an exciting team. This year, Mike's looking to change his bad rep for picking boring teams with the addition of Dwayne Bowe, Ryan Grant, Jay Cutler, Zach Miller, Eli Manning, Julian Edelman, Mohammed Massaquoi and Brandon Jacobs. Good luck with that MC.

Cry Me a Rivers (Me)

It's okay, you can make fun of my team name all you want, because I think it's lame too. I like to think it translates to the fact that I hate my quarterback, Phillip Rivers, the league's number one d-bag, so much that it makes me want to cry and the season hasn't even started. So what's new with me? Well, I'm officially two years sober from drafting kickers in the first six rounds. One day I will justify taking Bironas. One day! Anyways, I drafted a team of guys I love to hate. But they're good players. This way, when they put up big numbers this season, I won't hate them as much. Although don't get me wrong. I will still hate Phillip Rivers. It's been way too long since my last title. I'm ready for my third.

And so it begins...

No wait, Pat didn't sign up in time, so we had to delay the draft an hour and a half, make the picks on espn.com, and I transferred them over back to Yahoo. The hour and a half you just wasted reading my novel of an introduction was a metaphor to the time we spent sitting around, half-heartedly mock drafting, as we listened to Smooth Jota on the ones and twos prior to our delayed draft start.

Okay, here goes.

Rocking the Plaxico Burress jersey this year. Wasn't ready to bring that upon my team last season, but after a year I think it's safe to bring it back out. It symbolizes the punishment I didn't deserve when the curse was brought down upon my team three years ago when I took Bironas in the sixth. Let's hope this decision doesn't shoot me in the leg.

I thought about taking a running total of the number of times someone made a joke about me taking kickers in the sixth round, but I thought my computer might explode from overuse.

That's weird the drafts about to start and Smooth hasn't cursed anyone out ye.....

Smooth: Scott are you f***ing kidding me bro?! Get your legs off my f***ing box you ass****!

Ah, it feels like draft season again.

(Side note: One day I'd like to know why ass is street legal but ass**** makes it a curse word).

So people are a little disappointed in K Dub and PL. After all, K Dub was too hungover to be in attendance, and PL feared that spending two hours away from his girlfriend might be unhealthy for their relationship and that it was worth spending $20 to let the computer pick him the worst team ever.

Everyone agreed it was weak of Phil not to come.

Toph: My girlfriend was here this weekend and I made her leave.

Me: My girlfriend wanted to come today and I said no.

Scott (on the newly added microphone): I'm supposed to be at work right now........I didn't go.

MC grabs the mic: With the sixth pick in the draft, Bob Talbot selects...Rob Bironas.

Everyone laughs.

Guys I quit! I swear.

Okay, so as MC mentioned, this year I've got the sixth pick. A pick I claimed last year was one of the best. With the hour delay before the draft, I had a lot of time to think about what players would likely fall to me at #6. Okay so CJ, AP, MJD and Ray Rice are gone. Scott could either go Turner, Gore or Rodgers. That leaves me with a great opportunity to take Rodgers if he's still available or Andre Johnson if Rodgers goes at number 5. With Rodgers I would remain consistent in drafting the best fantasy QB each year, like I have in all previous years. See: Culpepper, McNabb, Brady, Manning, Brees, Rodgers. So I really hope it's Rodgers. QBs are the staple to my team.

If you remember, however, QBs are the staple to our league.

1) Chris Johnson

2) Adrian Peterson

3) Drew Brees

4) Peyton Manning

5) Aaron Rodgers

6) What the f just happened?

I'm not prepared for this at all. Yes, QBs go faster than the M&Ms in Rex Ryan's coaching office, but it's the 6th overall pick and any QB I thought about taking other than Matt Schaub is off the board. I'm not taking Matt Schaub sixth. How can I pass up on MJD or Ray Rice? Better yet, how do I even decide between the two? This wasn't supposed to happen.

Ray Rice. Two picks later, I already hate my team.

Round 2 - Phil autopicks Matt Schaub. Thanks again for coming Phil. Now I have to decide between Phillip Rivers and Tony Romo. I'm a Giants fan. I refuse to root for these guys. I guess I have to root for the biggest d-bag in football this season. Welcome to the team Phillip.

I really hate my team. It's bad when you hate your team before you get to the s*** players.

Moving on...

With the 4th pick in the 3rd round, Smooth Jota selects Dallas Clark?????????? Dallas f'n Clark. A tight end. In the third round?!

Wait a minute. Could this be! Could this be worse than taking Bironas in the sixth?! Am I officially off the hook?

The other guys: Nope, Bironas is still the worst. But this is damn near close.

ZR: J that's the stupidest pick I've ever seen.

Smooth: "[ZR you're going to be] last in the league I guarantee it and I'm gonna win".

ZR: [Something along the lines of no f'n chance, you just took Dallas Clark in the third round. You're an idiot].

Smooth: [Well ZR], "I'm doing what I don't usually do because what I've done the last five years doesn't work".

In a weird way that makes a lot of sense. By uttering that sentence Smooth, myself and I think most everyone else can actually respect your pick of Dallas Clark right there.

Toph: "I can respect that reasoning J. I'm the second worst every year and I'm still doing what I usually do".

This is why I still don't believe Toph will turn things around this year.

I really think there should be a 10 minute break or something after that Dallas Clark pick. I think we all need some time to let that one settle in. I guess I'm the only one not prepared for this matter though. The rest of the league was desensitized to these sort of things a few years ago, when I took kickers before running backs.

Okay, so with Dallas Clark off the board, I needed to take a wide receiver. Roddy White, you look like the best on the board.

Hating my team more now...

Round 4. Flashback to an hour before the draft:

Toph: I can't wait to see who picks Ryan Mathews prematurely, boasting about how awesome he's gonna be when they won't even know what college he played for.

Me (glancing at a picture of Mathews in the magazine Toph was holding and recognizing he's rocking a Fresno State jersey): Haha, yeah man I know you mean.

With the fifth pick in the fourth round, I take Mathews. Did you see how awesome he was in college?!? Me neither. But seriously, he's gonna be awesome. I mean come on, Yahoo! ranked him #8 in their preseason rankings. We know how accurate they are.

Round 5.

Scott: "I know my next pick and I hope nobody takes him". Thanks Scott.

So here's my thought process. Brett Favre is coming back. At the time, we didn't know this. But, I mean come on, we all knew this. So I want Sidney Rice. I look to see who might possibly take him before me, and I see Scott's the pick ahead of me this round. At this point, Scott has already drafted what seems to be his team from last year. So, by the looks of it, Rice is already gone. Pick #45: Sidney Rice. Damnit Scott! I really felt like I needed that one. Vernon Davis it is. He killed me last year. Might as well bring the dark side over to the light? side??

Quick Anecdote: Sidney Rice is out for half the season.

That's why you don't prepare for the draft! Sure, you feel disappointed when you don't get the pick you want, but it only makes you feel that much better when you realize you dodged a bullet later on. I'm sorry Scott.

In Round 6 I took Wes Welker. You never really wanna take a guy who's knee pretty much exploded the year before, especially when his doctor messed up the surgery the first go around. But hey, Wes gets 115 catches a year in his sleep. A rehabing Wes should be good for 80-95 right? Yeah, I'll keeping telling myself that.

Another highlight of Round 6. MC took Brandon Jacobs. Toph and I agreed MC would probably take Brandon Jacobs before the draft started. MC, he's a 260 lb. RB that can't convert on 3rd and 1 anymore, and loves trying to run to the outside. We'll see how that one plays out for you.

Round 7 I take the Vikings defense, followed by Braylon Edwards in Round 8.

Hating my team more and more...

(Do we see a trend here?)

After a quick bathroom break I come back down to hear Smooth saying, "Ya, I got a feeling about him" - referring to CJ Spiller.

Me: "What round is it guys? Still Round 8? And Smooth took CJ Spiller? Ooooookay."

Seriously guys? How am I still mocked for Bironas with these ridiculous picks occurring all the time? Was it really that bad?

While we're on the subject of Smooth, I forgot to mention. Smooth's computer monitor was so big you could literally see his pick queue from anywhere in the room. Not that seeing CJ Spiller wouldn't be available would have saved me any trouble with my next pick, but it would've been entertaining to watch. I wish I watched Smooth queue his players the whole time. That could've made for a great article.

To get an idea of how bad my draft was going I took Clinton Portis, Terrell Owens and Chad Henne with my next three picks. I could justify my reasoning, but I'm not gonna.

Hating my team more now.

Probably not as much as Phil though. Someone points out that for some reason, ESPN has just been autopicking Phil running backs the whole time. In rounds 9-14, ESPN autopicked four running backs for Phil. The guy had seven running backs when it was all said and done. Nothing like five of the six bench spots being phil-ed (ya see what I did there?) by running backs for good measure. You never know how many could go down to injuries or unruly fans. At least Phil has one backup wide receiver. That could be very useful when the bye weeks roll around.

In Round 12, I take Garrett Hartley as my kicker. I waited til Round 12 guys, alright? I really wanted Hartley. He's off drugs (I think) and he was so clutch in the playoffs (NFC Championship game-winning kick included). It would have been a risk to leave him out there. I'm getting better at this guys.

Smooth takes Ladainian Tomlinson. No surprise for the Jets fan. This spawns an argument in which ZR makes fun of Smooth, Smooth retaliates, which causes ZR to lay down the hammer:

"Congratulations on gonna be last place again J!" Ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh! The war room uproars at the sweet burn. Then laughs at ZR for his lame comment. In ZR's defense. He had a lot on his mind. Examining an excel spreadsheet with players divided into five tiers with an alternate sixth can be quite strenuous on the brain. Come on guys, give him a break!

G Com had the best response to ZR's comment: "Ya, behind the guy that has seven running backs".

To close out the draft I took Bernard Berrian (we're gonna try this one more time as my sleeper WR), Arian Foster (Texan running backs were bad to me last year, but again, I'm all about second chances this year), and Golden Tate (I really don't have a clue why).

Yeah, I hate my team.

After the draft, MC suggested when I upload the teams to Yahoo!, I should just give him Tony Romo instead of Eli (since Eli's bye week is the same as his starter's). Don't see this as a sign of doubt for MC though. Because as he proclaimed at the end of the draft, "I'm currently tied for first, so snack on these nuts!"

We spent 10-15 minutes afterwards reviewing the draft at our leisure.

G Com referring to Smooth's team: "I could not be less intimidated by anyone on this team". We all laughed and agreed. Well Smooth, I respect the thought process behind your new draft strategy, but let's think the new one through a little more next time.

So to summarize the longest article in the history of articles not written by Bill Simmons. We draft quarterbacks, PL drafts running backs, we don't trade, Smooth drafted Dallas Clark in the third round, Scott doesn't like cabs anymore, K Dub forgot he won last year, PL loves running backs, I hate my team, and PL loves running backs.

But none of this really matters, because there's just going to be a lockout anyway.

Until next year...

Fantasy Draft Diaries (Version 1.0)

Aside from my birthday, the best thing about August might just be fantasy football. That's right. It's draft season. And if you're a guy from age 16 to 59, odds are you know what I'm talking about.

Now let me introduce you to the greatest fantasy league, I've ever come to know.

Trung Candidate's Weekend BBQ features a core of 10 fantasy managers that together make up the stereotypical, yet ideal fantasy league.

First let me shine some light on the group, so you can truly get a feel for the war room on draft day.

I'm Vinnie Massuci (Vinnie Massuci) -
As the league's rookie, I'm Vinnie Massuci is getting his first taste of arguably the most competitive fantasy league in the country. And when I say competitive, I mean it. We've got a trophy. And pride on the line. So much pride. Massuci brought a new element to our draft we've never seen before, and I think the rest of us were a little shook by it. He took backups before taking all of his starters. Supposedly he likes to make trades, so he takes as many good players from each position off the board as he can. He's a darkhorse right now. It will be interesting to see how he fairs when he comes to light.

KDUBS ALL STARS (K Dub) -
K Dubs crew is good for a solid 5th-7th finish every year. He always finishes around .500 (sometimes just above, sometimes just below), and he always sneaks into the playoffs. A team that deserves respect.

Hoodrat Things (PL) -
PL is always good for one thing: An interesting, yet often offensive team name. There's also no way of telling how his team will do, and that's just the fact of the matter.

The Aura of Elitism (Toph) -
Toph knows just as much about football as the next guy, and should seemingly be a contender every year. But he never is. He once road Billy Volek to the championship, only to lose 162.70 - 43.94! Now I'm not trying to pat myself on the back, but there's a 100% chance I may have been the team he lost to. Even that year Toph was still 5-8. His problem: he takes guys he likes. And the guys he likes refuse to be fantasy football studs. I think he's learned his lesson though.

Milwaukee Beers (Comerato) -
The man is an excellent fantasy football player. He does quality research, knows his football, and plays to win. When you see a player is having a great day and you want to pick him up, he's the guy who's already taken him. Comerato's never been a champion in the league, but he's always near the top.

Chicken Dinner (Millaa) -
Millaa's the guy who never shows up to the draft. And because our league is so unique, and picks so uncharacteristically of any league, the computer always autopicks a solid team for Millaa. This year, Millaa made the draft. The league isn't mad about it.

2 Mannings 1 Cup (Smooth Jota) -
J boasts the league's title for consistency. No matter what, J's team will always be terrible. There's really nothing he can do about it. The only question: will he go 0-13 this year? I'll let you decide.

Child Please (ZR, Zermanatrix, Zerm Germ, Ruby Tuesday's, the self-proclaimed "Movie Maven", and many more I cannot name) -
To sum up ZR -- he brought a printout of the entire Yahoo! Sports player ranking list with notes on it last year. This year he couldn't be present, but as always his presence was felt. He's just a great asset to the league. He knows his stuff and he works hard each year to win. And yet, everyone roots against him. He catches some tough breaks too. For example: After boasting about Tom Brady for days last year, Brady tore his ACL in the first quarter of the season. The irony -- ZR had a famous ACL tear back in high school. Only ZR could juke like Ladanian at the time. ZR is usually competitive. He's won the league once. And he likely expects to win it again this year.

ESPN85 TheOchoCinco (MC) -
How original is that name? It's awesome. MC is a two-time champion. He's good for two things: 1. A horrible start, followed by an amazing turnaround. And 2. An astronomically boring team. If you're wondering why none of the Redskins are on waivers, it's because Mike has them all. Jason Campbell, Santana Moss, Clinton Portis, Chris Cooley -- seriously, all of them. David Garrard, Jamal Lewis, Kevin Walter...boringggg. And yet he wins titles. What's his secret? Not even the Dalai Lama knows. The guy was 1-5 last year and won 9 games in a row to finish. How does a fantasy team make that turnaround? Not from waivers with Comerato in the league, that's for sure. This year if he wins, we'll all know why at least. The guy did more mock drafts than Mel Kiper, Jr.

ChicksDigLongKicks (Myself) -
After careful deliberation, I finally decided to name my team, ChicksDigLongKicks, over my close second choice, One Man Wolfpack. Even though I'm a two-time champion, I'm known for jumping the gun on positions that shouldn't be even fathomed in the first 10 rounds of a draft. I'm talking about kickers and defenses. My 6th round pick of Neil Rackers two years ago was an embarrassment to the sport, and I'm pretty sure a curse has been brought down upon me ever since. I'm notoriously known for being the guy that takes the kicker 8 rounds too early. No one even jumps into panic mode and takes kickers when I pull this stunt. Why? Because their kickers, and they all know I'm an idiot. Hence, ChicksDigLongKicks. It's a nice play on words and it's a tribute to my love of early kicker selections.

Now let's get started.

I chose to wear the Michael Vick Falcons jersey to the draft. Perhaps it was too soon, but it symbolized a fresh start, which my franchise was looking for after two years under the curse. Plus it was either that or Burress. I couldn't do that to my team. Not yet at least.

Now even though I mock MC for all his mock drafts, I did a few of my own. And from these mocks I came to the conclusion that the best picks to have are 4, 6, 7 & 9. There's a good chance 8 is a good pick as well, but everytime I entered a mock, it put me in 7 or 9, regardless of how many times I picked 8. Anyways, the worst picks have got to be 1 & 2.

As soon as I entered the war room, my friends informed me I had pick #2. I was immediately shook. I hid that from my friends by cursing.

I spent the next 40 minutes contemplating whether or not I should take Michael Turner or Ladanian Tomlinson. It's a good thing I showed up 39 minutes early. With one second left on the draft clock, I selected Turner. I remember instantly feeling like Ron Burgundy, as I thought to myself, "I immediately regret this decision". I hope Turner doesn't turn out to be as bad a choice as milk was for Ron. Today, however, I'm pretty comfortable with my selection. I'm looking forward to Burner Turner work-horsing his way to hopefully ridiculous stats.

Oh, by the way, Adrian Peterson went #1 overall. But you didn't even have to read this to know that was the case.

J did have the #1 pick though. So half of us were inclined to at least check to see if J had selected the Adrian Peterson on the Bears by mistake. He didn't. Would've made my pick easier.

After my pick, I had 20 minutes to wait for my next selection. Ah, the #2 pick. Sweet! I have a player that might barely be any better than the rest of the first rounders, and I get to watch 16 players I want get taken before my next pick.

The only upside, I get to observe the war room. After all, there's no need to queue the players I want. They're all going to be taken anyway.

So J sits down on the couch (his couch, since he kindly hosts the draft each year), and in doing so, knocks over PL's soda -- spilling it on the couch.

PL: What the f**k dawg?
J: What the f**k dawg?! What the f**k are you doing putting a soda on my couch?!"Nothing like some good draft entertainment to lighten the tension.

While this was going on, ZR, who was joining us through Skype (he could hear us, but could only type to MC), was providing his own unintentional entertainment/ridiculousness through the draft chat box.

He felt the urge to say "child please" a lot in honor of his team name. It wasn't as funny coming from him though. After all, he had never heard Chad Ochocinco even say it. It wasn't even his team name idea. Toph and PL gave it to him. His original name was Team Burress. Come on, at least get creative with it.

But back to the draft...

Drew Brees went 4th, Peyton Manning 8th -- our league loves quarterbacks. Especially me. This sparked an onslaught of quarterbacks to be taken. Brady, Rivers, Rodgers (my pick), McNabb. The rest of the guys are in shock it's round 2 and they already know they'll be starting Matt Cassell and Matt Schaub this year. You just can't replicate our draft strategies with a mock. No one drafts like our league. No one.

I decide to stack up my running back threat in round 3, since I always get knocked for having the worst running back tandem, ever. Steve Slaton me. I'm hoping for big things out of him.

It's not like me to have two running backs and a quarterback at this stage. Not to mention the fact I have to wait 16 picks for my next selection.

I feel vulnerable.

In round 4, Terrell Owens goes a few picks before me. That was my last hope at a skeptical #1 WR. It's WR, WR for me now or bust. Roy Williams and Chad Ochocinco. Remind me again why I didn't take Jason Witten? He's practically the #1 WR on Dallas. Chad, I better be right about you. I'm expecting big things.

Four picks later, Toph takes Witten, and within 15 seconds, Gates, Gonzalez and Clark are off the board. Looks like were riding Greg Olsen to the ship! Until Millaa takes him 2 rounds later before me. Oh well.

In round 6, KDub prematurely picks a defense. And since I'm the #2 pick, I'm forced to take Pittsburgh prematurely in the same round. I needed to be ahead of the curb at some positions. Let's hope this doesn't backfire like selecting the Chargers defense in the 6th round did last year. Man, what was I thinking? I know, I have a problem.

Before round 6 closes, someone jokingly says that it's about time somebody takes a kicker. Literally everyone's eyes turn to look at me.

I get it I have a problem!

In the next few rounds I snagged Bernard Berrian (my sleeper WR), Owen Daniels (just get in the end zone, please!), Larry Johnson (I hope last year was a fluke), and Domenik Hixon (cause I would be the guy to take a Giants WR).

Onto Round 11. We're now approaching sleeper-time. It's time for everyone to take what they believe to be the potential outbreak stars.

I take Matt Hasselback. ZR takes Joseph Addai.

MC: "Zach just gave himself a booyah for selecting Addai".
We all respond with an uproar of laughter and clapping at ZR's embarassing celebration.
ZR: "Stop laughing and clapping".

He never fails to disappoint.

Round 12. It's kicker time. A time I am very unfamiliar with, since I would have had Bironas or Rackers six or seven rounds ago. I take Jason Elam. I love the wind conditions in a dome.

At the turn of rounds 12 and 13, J selects Jamal Lewis and Michael Vick. That has to be the worst turn combo pick...ever. J even gave himself a celebratory clap for his pick of Vick. We all took a vote. It was unanimous. Vick was a stupid pick. And we wonder why J has the worst team every year.

I got some laughs from my comment that I would've taken Vick as a joke in the last round, maybe. Points for me.

After recovering from the laughter associated with J's pick, I took Kevin Curtis. Ehh. Not much to say about that.

I finished it off with Jeremy Shockey and Arizona's defense. Shockey I like. Arizona -- there was literally no one left at that point. So I figured, why not?

ZR finished strongly, selecting Saints kicker Garrett Hartley with his last pick. MC immediately informed him that Hartley had been suspended 8 games for testing positive for an illegal substance.

ZR: "F**k!"I love fantasy football.

As for my team. It's not my usual eclectic crew (notoriously known as a "Bob team"). But hey, I think I kinda like it.

If you don't, then child please!

Images courtest of Google Images and Yahoo! Sports